This month will mark 12 months since we lost my father to cancer. It’s been a bitter sweet time for our family and one i’m sure has been easier having our son around.

I was a daddies girl through and through. He was my hero and the first man i loved unconditionally. A man not traditionally a kid person but always made me feel loved and wanted which is what any child wants right? so you can imagine our heartache when we were dealt the news that dad had stage 4 cancer. The worst stage possible with a prognosis of maybe 6 to 12 months to live. I remember the night so clearly when dad broke the news. We were sitting in our lounge room, i was holding our then 4 month old son in my arms and i broke down the minute i heard the word Cancer. I think that word alone is death so i wasn’t really sure what to expect. My dad was super healthy. Never smoked, never drank or took drugs, ate healthy, so we all had hope that he would beat this. What hope do the rest of us have right?

We spent as much time with dad as we could but even now i wish we spent more time just chatting, life gets so busy particularly with a child we forget the important things in life and forget that just spending time with family and loved ones is just as important as doing the groceries or hanging out the washing.

We had 1 last great day with dad on Christmas day in 2014, a catered lunch at home spent with family. A 1st Christmas for our son which made it extra special. Dad was weak but was able to eat and laugh and enjoy his grandson. I believe dad held on for this day and because of that we will cherish those Christmas memories forever.

Boxing day was when we knew we didn’t have a lot of time, we lost dad in late January 2016. Even though you know its coming you can never prepare yourself for the loss of a loved one. I honestly believe that the only thing that got me through that whole experience and 2015 was my son. My crazy, wont sleep, stubborn, frustrating at times son.

I’m a true Aries, i’m strong and stubborn and hold everything in but i think motherhood makes you even stronger. Although every day i think about how my son will never grow up with an incredible grandfather who would have taught him so much i know that his memories will live on and hopefully help to guide the path of my son’s future.

Children seem to bring smiles to our faces even when we are sad inside, they take away the hurt with just one hug and keep our minds busy with the crazy adventures they get up to.

While life is busy please take the time to spend time with family and loved ones but also appreciate that even though they may frustrate you at times, children are truly a blessing, not just to help cope with death and hurt but to keep that light and love alive that you may feel your loosing.

The next challenge will be explaining death to a child, hopefully this is a few years away yet.

Until next time

-Realhonestmum