Toddler + Technology = Debate

I think every parent must go through this debate at some point in their child’s life.

You are either debating with your partner, your friends, strangers or a lot of the time with yourself about that very sticky question. Do you let your toddler watch tv, or better yet do you let them play with your phone or Ipad.

As expectant parents my husband and i were both on the same page that we would not let our child watch tv or play games on our phones or ipads till at least they were 5. Actually a time limit wasn’t discussed we simply did not want them to play with anything related to technology. Now as a parent like a lot of things we have changed our minds slightly.

Before i explain what or why we have changed our mind, let me explain why we made our original decision.

My husband and i would often go to dinner before we became a family of three and what would annoy the crap out of us would be seeing families out to dinner and the kids with their eyes glued to an ipad playing games, to us this was so disrespectful. We have always viewed dinner time as family time or discussion time and we often wondered why parents allow this when they go out. Was it because it was the only thing that would keep the kids quiet so the parents could have a peaceful night out? Was it because these days parents have no control over their children or was it just the way life is now. Are we the ones living in some time warp and haven’t moved with the times?

So i asked the question to these parents and their response was that they would much rather have there child seated at a table well mannered and occupied then screaming and carrying all for all patrons to be annoyed at them. So being a parent i can almost see there point, but… and here is the big but, what did my parents do and your parents do when they went out to dinner with us? I’m pretty sure i didn’t have an ipad keeping me entertained. I remember being told in the car before we entered that if i wasn’t good i would be grounded or in trouble when we got home so i happily took the pencils and coloring activity sheet that i often received at restaurants and spoke when i was told and we all went home full and happy.

We were recently on holiday’s and stuck in the room due to rain for three days. My 11 month old was going crazy, so we resorted to getting the Ipad out and playing a kids show. Our son was mesmerized for about half and hour, just enough time to get our sanity back. So maybe these parents are right, maybe technology assists with taming our children.

So now, im contemplating whether we are being hard parents and not moving with the times or simply good parents who should be able to occupy kids without using technology.

The answer? well im still undecided. My though process is i will wait and see what happens. If there is one thing i have learnt being a parent is that nothing is set in stone, things you thought you would do you don’t and things you promised you would never do some how make there way into your day to day routine. I guess the point im trying to make is you just never know until your in that situation. I hope i can raise my kids to be able to sit at a dinner table in a restaurant and behave like humans without the aid of technology to get them through the night, but ill guess we will have to wait and see.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Share your experiences with the introduction to technology with your kids. How did you implement it, what rules do you have?

Until next time

– Real Honest Mum

When to ask for help

Posted by realhonestmum

If you are anything like me, stubborn, independent and want everything when i want it, then im sure asking for help from anyone has always been a hard thing for you as it has been with me. This became very apparent to me once i had a baby, i expected it to come easy, that i would be able to manage on my own no problems.

I was planning on still working from home, as well as helping my husband with his business and was excited at the prospect of being a perfect housewife and mother. The plan was to work in the home office during the day while the baby slept, after all i had been told that all a newborn baby does is eat, poop and sleep then in between feeds i would also attend to the house stuff, cooking, cleaning, washing all that fun stuff ( can you believe i was actually excited to do this). My goal was to have everything done with dinner on the table by 6pm for my loving, supportive, hard working hubby.

You can imagine my frustration when at 2.30 in the afternoons i was still in my pyjamas, hair a mess, smelling of spew, boobs sore my eyes bulging out of my head and a baby that just did not like to sleep. I think my biggest mistake before going into this parenting gig was i had such high expectations of myself of being able to manage everything and be in control of everything, those of you with kids will understand this completely… you just have no control over a newborn baby. It will do what it will do and all you can do is jump on for the ride and appreciate every sleepless night and accept every day that is wasted, after all these beings we call babies are time wasters whether we like to admit it.

Coming from a broken relationship with my own mother, it has always been on my conscience the sort of relationship i would have with my own children therefor i wanted to do everything myself, not rely on anyone else apart from my husband but if im totally honest, it doesn’t matter how great you are everyone needs help. I was lucky enough not to be diagnosed with post natal depression but i can completely understand how easy it is for some women to head down that path. The whole ” shaking the baby” syndrome, yep can understand that now also. Don’t worry i didn’t shake the baby but those times when all they do is cry and you don’t know what wrong with them at the time shaking seems like a pretty good idea at the time. It was those times i needed to take a deep breath and realize that this baby was relying on me to fix what ever problem it had so even though shaking the baby may have made me felt better at the time, it’s never the option to solve the problem. If you are or ever felt like this, it’s ok you are not alone. It doesn’t mean your a bad mum, it simply means that help might be just what you need to get through some of those tough days and night.

My help came in the way of Karitane. A clinic that helped with settling and sleeping issues. Simple yet effective techniques had me returning home 4 days later more confident and a much happier mum with a much more relaxed bub. When i was refered to go to Karitane, part of me felt like i had failed as a mum, that this place was my last resort to make things right and to succeed at this new job but now my feelings have changed. I feel proud to have stood up and asked for help. This has made be a better mum and set me on the right path to being the best mum i can be, whoever that might be.

Its only now nearly 5 months on that i am relaxed (most of the time) and really am starting to enjoy motherhood. Oh and dinner is on the table around 6pm some nights, and washing might stay there for a day or 2 and im OK with that.

So please ask for help, take that offer of someone hanging out your washing or making you that coffee, it’s those little things that can make all the difference.

Thanks for listening, see you next time.

-Realhonestmum x

Why did i become a parent?

Posted by realhonestmum

This is the question i often asked myself for the first 8 weeks of my sons life. All sorts of questions were going through my head and also my husbands. What had we done? why on earth did we want this baby? Why cant i have my old life back?

Dont get me wrong, i love my son but this was a major change we were just not expecting. We didn’t think it was going to be all roses but no one really ever tells you just how hard being a parent to a new born is.

For those first time mums, i don’t want to scare you, i simply want you to have all the facts not just the fun, fluffy stuff that people are more than happy to share.

My husband and i have been together for 12 years, our life isn’t perfect but pretty close to. We love traveling, going out, and enjoyed dining out a couple of times a week. We were one of the last couples in our group of friends to have a baby, we were always the couple that didn’t want kids, we knew we would eventually have them but weren’t to fussed about when until the dreading big 30th birthday was approaching.It was then that i realized i was getting older and if i wanted to have a baby then i would have seriously start thinking about it. The decision was made that we would try.

We were fortunate enough to fall pregnant right away, then the planning started. As the months went on we got more and more excited about this little human entering our world, im not sure if it was the baby or the setting up the nursery that was the exciting part. Looking back now i realize just how ignorant we were as people towards parents and kids. Out thinking was that this baby would fit right into our life and we would still enjoy the finer things that we always had. A time when i would walk down the street and see a crying baby or a snotty nose toddler on the floor screaming because he couldn’t have that lolly, my response was ” if that was my kid, id slap it” or “thats the parents fault” now my instant reaction is feeling sorry for that poor parent.

How silly we were to think our lives wouldn’t change. 9 months later i was induced 2 weeks due to Cholestasis, a condition that effects your bile, in lamen terms made me itch all over. Could be dangerous and cause stillbirths. After 10 hours of excruciating pain, without any drugs except for the gas pushing and yes it is true when they say you poop while pushing, pretty hard not too ( mind you this was something i had read and was dreading) keeping in mind my poor husband was by my side the whole time, i was rushed in for emergency c-section due to baby not being able to pass through my pubic bone…. my thoughts on this were HELLLOOOO arnt our bodies meant to go through childbirth? why does my pubic bone not want to communicate? Not at all did i wonder if my baby had a big head..which he didnt incase you were wondering.

A c-section was something i didnt read about, after all i never expected to have one, my advice to all expecting mums is read everything you can about all scenarios when it comes to pregnancy and labour, you just never know whats going to happen, having a birthing plan i believe is a waste of time, sure think about your options, discuss what methods you are against but be open to everything and please….HAVE THE EPIDURAL…. it will save you a lot of pain.

Fast forward 2 days, we get to bring our beautiful little boy home, excitement, adrenaline and happiness was flowing until the first night, and let me just say any women who decides an elective cesarean has rocks in her head, the pain your in is excruciating espeacially when your having to deal with a newborn every hour or 2 throughout the night, lucky for a supportive husband otherwise i don’t know how i would have coped.

The next 8 weeks were hell, not only trying to recover from major surgery but trying to work out this little being that couldnt talk and tell me what he wanted. There were definatly days where i didnt want to be a mum anymore and as much as it sounds harsh i don’t think i really liked him for those first 8 weeks. I was even starting to feel bad that i didn’t love him yet. I was lucky that i didn’t end up with post natal depression, but i can understand how easy it is to spiral into that feeling and the whole shaking the baby syndrome, don’t worry i didn’t do it but some nights i could have.

As your reading this, you are likely thinking 1 of 2 things, the first might be, wow i cant believe how selfish this mum sounds, she should be grateful as some couples cant have kids, i say this to you, i am so grateful, having so many friends on a tough journey to parenthood and it seemed to come so easy to me, looking back 4 months on i couldn’t be happier, a question that was once asked ” can you imagine your life without him?” i then replied “absolutely i had a pretty fantastic life thank you very much” now if that same question was asked of me i would reply ” yes i could imagine life without him but now i don’t want too. i love him, he makes me smile every day, we take the good with the bad and i wouldn’t change anything right now” however ask me this question when we are going through teething and the answer may be different.

The other thing you may be thinking is, finally a mum who tells the truth, tells it how it is, makes me realize that every one goes through the same things. To you i say it does get easier, trust me i didn’t think it would either and every time someone said that to me i wanted to punch them in the face but it really does, that or you just become adapted to this new life called parenting.

This has been my first blog post, i’m sorry if i bored you with the little details, i hope each post you read you get a smile out of it and know that we are all in this together.

I’m not here to give you advice, as a first time mum i dont think i have that right yet, i just want to share my experiences and hopefully help to make it that little bit easier for you all.

Stay tuned for my next post about knowing when to ask for help. Ill also be adding a page of reviews on current baby and mum products that i have had experience with.

Feel free to leave your comments and thoughts i would love to hear from you all.

Until next time, good luck, take a breath and smile.

– real.honest.mum